Tuesday, May 12, 2009

Phil Jackson, marriage counselor

An interlude from our regular political commentary for a bit of sports analysis...

As anyone who knows me can attest -- I'm NOT a fan of Phil Jackson, coach of the LA Lakers. Watching Phil Jackson coach is like watching a Mister Magoo cartoon. When the cameras pan over to him sitting on the sidelines, invariably he looks lost -- with his mouth open like a turkey looking up at the rain. Sometimes he wanders the sidelines aimlessly and I wonder if perhaps he's just looking for the churro vendor?

My primary beef with Phil Jackson is that he gets paid $10 million a year -- and yet he refuses to call a time out when the other team makes a run. Any other coach it the league will immediately call a time out the moment they sense the energy shift in a game (Larry Brown is a genius at this). Phil Jackson says he doesn't call time outs because "he wants the players to figure it out themselves." But if the players could have figured it out themselves -- they would have. That's why teams have things called "coaches" in the first place -- to help players figure things out when they are somehow unable to do it themselves.

So I got to wondering what Phil Jackson's life might have been like if he had gone in to a different line of work:

Phil Jackson, marriage counselor: "Thank you both for coming in today. I understand you've been having some marriage difficulties. Just work is out yourselves. That'll be 10 million dollars. Thanks."

Phil Jackson, ambulance driver: "I see you've been in an accident. Get yourself to the hospital. That'll be 10 million dollars. Thanks."

Phil Jackson, pizza chef: "Hey thanks for coming in to the restaurant. Fix your own damn pizza. That'll be 10 million dollars. Thanks."

This really is the joke that just keeps on giving. Feel free to come up with your own. Enjoy the game tonight.


Aixle said...

A coach is there to guide NOT to always give answers... The Lakers need to be dependent on themselves sometimes! They CAN figure it out, and he is trying to empower them! Then again, can we really critique his methods? He's still an amazing coach!

P.S. I agree that I would have called a time out! haha

RFK Action Front said...

Thanks Aixle! Yep the Lakers, under Jackson, certainly have figured it out. And he has those 11 rings -- so something is working (see my later post, "In Defense of Phil Jackson" where I come around to see his genius.)