I take back all those mean things I said about The Hills

I take back all those mean things I said about The Hills. It's the best freakin' show on television. I'll do you one better -- Spencer, as in Heidi and Spencer, is the most compelling character on TV in quite some time.

Here's the key to understanding Spencer: he's a guy who hates himself so much, he's literally trying to commit "suicide by girlfriend" (much like the better known suicide by cop) on national TV. Apparently he's filled with self loathing but lacks the will to do himself in. So instead he finds the most vapid, humiliating, empty shell of a girlfriend that he can and pledges his love to her. If you are watching the show hoping to see a the plight of a normal guy in search of a healthy relationship -- you're gonna be disappointed -- like Charlie Brown trying to kick the football held by Lucy, or me watching the Lakers, hoping Phil Jackson will actually coach.

Instead, Spencer goes out of his way to be humiliated on purpose. Most shows he doesn't even remember his girlfriend's name -- calling her Heidi sometimes and Holly other times. And he doesn't care -- the goal is humiliation and anything he can do to mess up (cheating openly, goading, eye rolling) just brings the flood of scorn that he so desires. It's fascinating to watch him happily bathe in humiliation and contempt like they were bubbles in a Calgon commercial. In many ways, Spencer is the modern retelling of The Story of O -- but the sexes have been reversed and now it's the male masochist who holds our attention as the depths of his debasement show no limits. As such he becomes a character as compelling as any devised by Beckett, a piece of performance art that makes a powerful social commentary on the state of the modern American male -- willing to sacrifice all pride in order to be seen with a gal who embodies all that is wrong with modern American culture. What started out as a lens to view culture, has become so extreme and so polarized that it is now the mirror reflecting back at us, taunting the viewer, privately exposing our own humiliation as we can't stop looking at the trainwreck that is us.

So can we just talk about The Hills for a sec.

As you know The Hills is a spin off of Laguna Beach which is a variation on The Real World. I started watching Laguna Beach because I had never seen a reality show with LIGHTING that good. It was perfect in every scene -- warm glowing oranges, yellows, and browns. You could watch the entire show with the sound off and follow the story line and just marvel at the perfectly lit beautiful people in every scene.

Okay but here's where things get a little weird. In order to get these perfect scenes every time -- Laguna Beach and The Hills are scripted. But here's what's weird about that:

In a regular TV show, people are hired to play a fictional character.

In traditional reality TV, people are hired to play themselves.

In The Hills, real people play FICTIONAL versions of THEMSELVES.

Said differently, on The Hills, real people lease their identities to MTV in return for the right to play fictional versions of themselves on TV. It's like the ultimate form of meta-level self flattery I guess, "I'm so great that they want to create a fictional version of me and hire ME to play the version of me they created (even though I've never done anything worthy of creating a character other than allow myself to be turned into a character)."

But what would happen if Lauren ever wanted to go rogue and play herself -- rather than the character by the same name? I imagine she'd be fired (or killed for the sake of ratings) for not playing herself properly. So at some point then Lauren no longer owns herself (either exterior identity or any expression of an interior identity) -- or at least does not own herself until after her lease runs out and her character is discarded in favor of a newer lease-to-own model (like Whitney). At some point doesn't it go from a fascinating documentary form (the Real World) and become creepy Stepford Single Chicks?

The lighting sure looks great though.

Update #1: in the case of Heidi and Spencer they leased their identity to MTV and MTV turned them into evil super-villains -- that they appear to play with zeal (both on the show and in real life) never in on the fact that the joke is on them (of course the joke is really on us for watching the circus, okay, point taken).

Update #2: This week at least, The Republican Party has become the Heidi and Spencer of American politics -- fuckers that everybody hates but we can't take our eyes off of because they are such a train wreck.